Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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