You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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