Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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