Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize