When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
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I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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