Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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