i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
