"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
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I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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