so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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