I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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