I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
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Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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