he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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