So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
