i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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