are you so shy because you have an std?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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