I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
