Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
