I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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