Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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