Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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