I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This is my gift to your gina
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Randomize
