it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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