Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
