kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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