my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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