Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize