Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
