I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize