Just cropdusted the office
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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