i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
