the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
