My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
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idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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