I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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