Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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