we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize