Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
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Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I love you. Go after that dick
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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