Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize