Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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