When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think your dad took our porno
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
