So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
