Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
