We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
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She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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