I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
