Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do vagina's smell?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
