remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
