i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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