ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.