apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.