apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo