I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
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You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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