I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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