I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood