probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
