I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
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But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
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The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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