Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
