How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
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I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How external is "for external use only"?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
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My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.